, if she wants a baby...you will find out after its conceived! you have been warned!
BPD's would dump you for this because they cannot stand to be truly loved in any fashion because they fear you will just eventually turn on them and abandon them.
1, Expect a huge level of involvement and commitment from you BUT give little back. They try to create a relationship without commitment on their part. They want it all their own way.
2. They restict or limit intimacy in a relationship because they are terrified that they may have to GIVE something of themselves to you in return. SO they try to create a deal in which they get what they want without paying the freight. Just like kids.
Is the lack of intimacy the norm with most BPD wives or is that a bad question?
I think, from what we hear on FtF, that it's fair to say that there is a noticeable difference between men and women in this area ...
Maybe a way to look at it is: BPD is all about poor emotional control, especially when it comes to relationships, and especially intimate relationships.
How it actually manifests can vary considerably, and in my opinion depends on "what they would do anyway" in extreme situations, since they internally perceive all situations as extreme, on the emotional level anyway.
Or more simply, men and women - taken as groups, on average - tend to behave differently when they are behaving badly ... not saying better or worse, but differently.
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regarding 2010s Horney research:
I have been pondering this thought lately as:
*The more I supported/encouraged/celebrated her being "real" with me - the more I was pushed away.
*When she shared pieces of her "real self" with me - I did not turn away in horror as she expected - I embraced it.
*I realized, in my own terms, the difference between her "idealized self" and her "real self" and I attempted to support her to be Authentic "real self"
*Honestly, at the time, I did not understand BPD and I was barrelling toward my being "painted black"
She always made statements like
"I am broken - have always been broken and will always be broken"
"You are so unique and worthy you don't deserve to be with someone who is broken"
"I have never shared my real uxBPDgf with anyone besides you"
"I want you go away and find a girl WORTHY of you"
BUT
then the cycling started.
"please wait for me"
"I can't imagine a life without you"
"I have never been so real happy as I am with you"
etc etc etc
I am glad you wrote on this as my T appt. is tomorrow and this is on my list to speak on.
This all being said - I still love my uxBPDgf but I know I simply CANNOT break NC. Everyday it gets a bit easier but I still love uxBPDgf...
- My ex would say things like
"You deserve better. I can't be the gf you deserve, I can only be who I am."
"You will find someone better, someone worthy of you."
"You don't need another nutjob in your life, neither does your daughter."
They are playing martyr and yes, they do cycle.
My ex actually poked holes in our condoms to try to get her pregnant, luckily I noticed it before using them, was considering leaving her over it but she sweet talked me out of it. Then I lost my job and fell on hard times for a few months trying to find new job and she left me, lol. At the time I was devastated but now I see how incredibly lucky I was that the bitch took off.
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