>I cant escape this obsession<
2010 At the moment it feels that way, but I assure you there is a future without yearning. If you have access to a library, you can probably find a book called "Love and limerance" by Dorothy Tennov. What you are suffering from right now is unrequited "limerance" and the bought of anxiety and depression you have, is involuntary. According to Tennov, limerance is an involuntary reaction to a situation not yet understood-with physiological mechanisms that are not the product of human decision and it concerns the loss of love.
If you could decide to be over this, you would- but limerance wont let you get off that easy. Limerance is something that happens to us when our love object is out of our reach, sometimes even unrequited. The love lingers between uncertainty and hope and we do everything that we can mentally to try to resolve the dilemma. Limerances intrusive cognitive components cause an obsessional quality that feels voluntary- but it's not. It wasn't really voluntary when you fell into limerance. It actually defies control. People fall fast and they fall hard.
Friends and family will tell you to snap out of it, but they fail to understand that limerance won't go away until you resolve the dilemma of hope and uncertainty over the return of your desired "limerant object." It does get better. Go get the book from the library- Inside you'll find reasons for your feelings that will make you feel better. |iiii
Quote from: blackberrypie12 on September 29, 2011, 01:10:16 PM Really struggling today guys :( I'm really sad, weak and just keep breaking down. I thought time was meant to heal?
I bought a book the other day which helped for one day...it's called it's called a break up because it's broken. It's meant to empower you by making you see that they never cared, they were planning to get out of the relationship for a while, that they're not talking to you because they decided their future is better off without you, and that they're probably with someone new - as my ex is now. It helped for a day. But now it makes me feel sick and so sad.
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As others have said, the important thing is to protect ourselves from both sociopaths and bpd. I suggest reading the book The Sociopath Next Door, by Martha Stout, Ph.D. She gives some practical guidelines to follow for self-protection that I think would be helpful in either case.
constant contact? you need therapy. The reason you are not getting over him is because you are staying in contact with him. I can't tell you how many times my T (and friends, one of whom is a T) had to tell me this to drum it into my head. Yes, I still want contact, but that desire now sets of a reaction in me and I shudder when I think of the pain. You might want to look at the book The Journey from Abandonment to Healing and start doing some of the exercises. Write in a journal. I do that almost every day. I write letters to him that I will never send. I write, write, write. I read lots of books that will help me stay on track. I read
Those fantasies went away when I seriously turned the focus to my own self awareness. Therapy, coming here reading and posting, reading books on my issues (codependence/perfectionism/negative self talk), positive affirmations and truely practicing all my new skills. I want to be a better person for me. I've let go of living better out of anger to live a more realistic, mindful, peaceful life.
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